Not Good Enough
Self-limiting beliefs can hold us back from achieving our true potential. One common self-limiting belief is the idea that we are not good enough. This belief can manifest in different areas of our lives, such as relationships, careers, or personal development. However, it's important to understand that this belief is not a fact but a perception we have internalized over time. The belief of not being good enough can come from a variety of sources, including childhood experiences, past failures, negative self-talk, societal pressures, and comparison to others. It can also be influenced by cultural or family expectations and messages from the media or peers. For example, if someone grew up in a household where they were constantly criticized or compared to others, they may internalize the belief that they are not good enough. Additionally, societal pressures to conform to specific standards of success or beauty can contribute to feelings of inadequacy. Ultimately, the source of the belief may vary from person to person and may be influenced by various factors, and that would all be too much to put on this blog.
I have felt “not good enough” many times throughout my life, and I think the reasons differed. I would commonly overachieve as a child because I wanted to be perfect and worthy of receiving love and praise. I was told that if I wanted something, I had to work for it. I applied this belief to receiving love as well. This morphed and grew into adulthood, and no matter my accomplishment, it wasn’t good enough because I thought I should be capable of more. Had I achieved more, it still wouldn’t have been enough. I have chosen my career over building relationships. I have kept myself from receiving love because I didn’t feel worthy… I didn’t feel like I had earned it.
I poured myself diligently into creating a life I was safe in, and somehow, I still wasn’t enough for the life I had created. I believe it is because, deep down, I wanted to be seen, heard, and loved for who I was at that moment or at any given time. I think I knew the universal truth: ALL humans are worthy and deserving of love for simply being.
How did I get to that place? I started an excavation. I dug deep and looked at all the parts of myself that I thought were unlovable and unworthy, and I asked myself if that belief was true. I poured myself into my personal growth and hired an excellent therapist. I am not saying everyone needs therapy, but the investment helped me work through the years of trauma and abuse that embedded certain beliefs into my core.
Elizabeth Gilbert said, “I've never seen any life transformation that didn't begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.” I believe this is true.
Overcoming the belief of not being good enough can be challenging, but it is possible with dedication and persistence. I still struggle from time to time, but I know how to recognize the belief and how to challenge it. I also know how to lean into those I trust for love, support, and the occasional kick in the rear when I need it.
Here are some strategies that can help:
Recognize and acknowledge the belief: The first step in overcoming the belief of not being good enough is to recognize and acknowledge it. Acknowledge the negative thoughts and emotions associated with this belief and accept that it is holding you back from reaching your full potential. This builds self-awareness, and we can begin to do the work with this awareness.
Challenge the belief: Once you recognize the belief, challenge it. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support it or if it is just a limiting belief. I like to ask myself, “is this true?” You may find that the belief is not based on reality and is just a product of negative self-talk.
Reframe the belief: Reframe the belief by creating a positive, empowering statement that counteracts the negative belief. For example, if you believe you are not good enough to pursue a particular career, reframe it to say, "I have the skills and knowledge necessary to succeed in this field." I love personal mantras. They helped me overcome seemingly impossible things throughout my life and powerfully affected my confidence.
Celebrate your accomplishments: Make a list of your accomplishments, big and small, and celebrate them. Focusing on your successes can help build confidence and remind you of your strengths and abilities. I still struggle with this one because acknowledging my accomplishments is hard. I think - I can do so much more, even though I have accomplished some pretty cool things. This is a work in progress, but I am growing as a human.
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and experiences setbacks. Be gentle with yourself and practice self-care. Self-compassion is another hard one because I sometimes view it as giving myself a break, and I have had to reframe this belief. I have to recognize the things I have overcome, and then I have to acknowledge that I am doing the best I can with what I have available. This is something I need a system of personal checks and balances, and when I need the extra push, a good therapy session gets me there.
Take action: Overcoming the belief of not being good enough requires action. Take small steps towards your goals and build momentum. The more progress you make, the more confident you will feel. Write out your vision and work backward. How would you like to view and love yourself? Write it out and think about the skill set that person has. What do you need to do to hone those skills?
Seek support: Seek support from friends, family, or a professional if necessary. Talking to someone who can provide a fresh perspective or offer encouragement can be helpful. I believe we are the sum of the individuals we surround ourselves with. If people do not support my (your) growth and are incapable of growing themselves, it may be time for a graceful exit. Mourning the loss of people in our lives is necessary, but sometimes we don’t realize how limiting some people are until they’re a memory in our past. Find the people who want you to do and be better, and let them push you to grow.
The thing I want you to remember in all of this is that growth and progress are not linear. Sometimes we think we have worked through something, and another layer appears. Like Glennon Doyle says, “you can do hard things.” You are worth the effort, the work, and the results. You are worthy of living, loving, and creating a life that fills you up. Be the reason for you. YOU ARE ENOUGH!